i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
