You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
