The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this will be a night to untag.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
