yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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