Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
