nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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