I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
