I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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