the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
