you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
