ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
