At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
