I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
