Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
