I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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