why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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