Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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