I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
