he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
