He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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