Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
