forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
