i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
