My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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