I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
