I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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