As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
