I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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