Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
