Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
