so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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