I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You pole danced in your parka.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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