she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
