Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
