Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
