did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
