my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
