My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
