Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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