Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You took a bar mat shot.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
