i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
