I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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