if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
