our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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