Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
