im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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