If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
