considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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