I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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