Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
