Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
that is very illegal...i love you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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