Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
