worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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