I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
