i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
