Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
