Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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