i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
