Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
