i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I looked at my own cervix.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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