my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
