i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
