Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
