You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
