literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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