New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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