At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
