he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
